Escape- A “Muppets Most Wanted” Fanfiction

It looks like I’m apparently in a “Muppet-y Fanfiction” mode for a while. (lol).  So, here’s another one!

This is a Nadya/Constantine story.  The inspiration for this hit me late last night.  We know that in the movie Nadya spent all of her time with Kermit the frog, but let us not forget that Kermit had merely swapped places with Constantine.  So lately, I’ve been thinking about what, if any, kind of history did Nadya have with Constantine while he was in the Gulag just prior to the film?  Did she have a connection with him that influenced why she was probably so drawn to Kermit?  Likewise, does he have a connection with her despite his “criminal” persona?

While this thought was the basis for this particular story, the plot itself is set to take place [perhaps several months] after the movie.

Also, this story is more like a single, isolated incident with no real connection to the movie, except for one reference made by Nadya.


Summary: A type of toxic gas has been released inside of the Gulag.  What affect does the resulting chaos have on Nadya and Constantine?



A “Muppets Most Wanted” Fanfiction
Written by: Brittany L. Reid
Posted on 4/14/2014 at  7:27 PM

“Nadya!  Come on, we’ve got to get out of here!” he yelled to her over the hurricane of chaos.  It stank.  It stank and the smell was getting worse, stronger.  People were screaming all around them as Constantine grabbed Nadya’s hand and yanked her off the floor, pulling her along behind him.  She coughed profusely and pulled her scarf up higher around her nose.  She felt like her throat was closing up and she could hardly breathe.  She didn’t know what had happened or what was going on; there was so much confusion and she was slightly dizzy.  Her vision blurred before her as she tried to keep up with the smaller amphibian who had a tight grip on her wrist.  She was running off of pure adrenaline at this point, feeling like she wasn’t even there, like it was all a dream.  She didn’t know where she was going, all she knew was she had to keep moving…

…keep moving…


“….dya….adya!”  someone was calling her name.

“Nadya!  Hey!  Come on woman, you will not quit on me!” a thick, Russian voice said.  Then, a small, clammy…hand? …patted her face.

“Nadya!  Hey!  I know you’re tougher than this you ol’ broad, wake up!” the voice said.  She groaned and slowly opened her eyes.  Everything was still blurry, but she could just make out two ping-pong balls staring at her with a small amount of concern.

“Oi, can you hear me?”

“Uggh…” she groaned and brought hand up to her head.  She was still so dizzy.

“Dammit Constantine, what did you do?” she asked, her voice cracked and just above a whisper. “This is a new low, even for you,” she added.

“Whaaa-?!  Y-you’re blaming this on me?!”

“Who else?!” she cried, rolling over on her side.  The feel of the snow against her face was welcoming for the fevered sweat she felt on her brow.  Constantine frowned.

“I would never pull a stunt like this!  It is not my style!  It was too unorganized and held too much room for human error.  If the evacuation had not been successful we would have-!”

“E-evacuation?  Oh!” Nadya’s eyes grew wide as she suddenly tried so sit up.  Bad idea.  She immediately grabbed at her stomach and leaned over, feeling like she’d puke at any moment.

“Hey-hey-hey, easy!” Constantine said, patting her back.  “The last thing I need is you blowing chunks all over me.”

“Ugh…my…my men.  A-and t-the prisoners…” she groaned.  Gods, if anything had happened to  them…her head was spinning.  There was a pause before Constantine spoke.

“They… are fine,” he said.  She glanced up and saw him staring off into the distance.  Then, she could hear it.   The voices were faint, but she could hear some semblance of order just over the hill and down below.  Several voices were trying to make sure people were accounted for.  She couldn’t tell who the convicts were and who the authorities were.  All she heard was men calling out for their comrades, or crying for assistance to help those who were incapacitated.

“Your men…did their job well.  And my cronies looked out for each other.  I am sure that most of them got out relatively safely,” Constantine said.  Nadya frowned before turning her head, giving the frog a seething glare.  Her breathing was still heavy.

“I cannot believe… you were willing to poison everyone… just to make your escape,” Nadya hissed.  “Why…why you saved me is beyond me.  What?  Do you… plan to-to hold me for ransom?  Y-you’ll never get away with it,” she said.  Constantine stared at her cooly for a moment before a small smirk played on his face.

“Ahhh, I do not know whether to be flattered or insulted.  A ransom?  Eh, is not bad idea.  But, niet.   I have told you, this was not my plan.  It was much too sloppy.  And a keeping a hostage is the last thing on my mind.  Too high-maintenance,” he said.  He then shifted from resting on his knees to sitting Indian Style in the snow.  “Ah, Nadya.  You do not give me enough credit.  I may be evil, but I’d never go so far as to use poisonous gas.  It is beneath me,” he added.

“Ha!  So says the…” she paused and swallowed to catch her breath.  Geeze, she felt like she would keel over any minute.  “S-so…so says the World’s Most Dangerous frog.  NOTHING is beneath you, Constantine.  Or did you think…I’d forgotten that you tried… to blow up the Muppets?!  A-a stunt like this is…is right up your alley,” Nadya wheezed.  She was having more trouble pushing her words out at this point.  Constantine’s eyes grew wide and fumed at this.  He opened his mouth to retort, then closed it, grumbling as he turned away.  This woman was infuriating.  Why couldn’t she just be thankful that he had saved her?

Nadya sighed as she lay down in the snow again.  Getting worked up wasn’t helping her any; she had to calm down.  But she was no fool.  Constantine would sacrifice anyone for his own gain.  She knew it.  The weary woman closed her eyes, trying to gather herself.  For a while there was silence.  She never noticed the small shade of red rising to the frog’s face.

“You know…that… that was only the one time.  Besides…I did not…like them,” he said lowly.  Nadya slowly opened her eyes and glanced over at Constantine.  He still had his back turned to her, and said nothing more.  His statement made her freeze in thought.  What did that mean?  He was an evil criminal, he didn’t like anyone.  And yet, when he glanced just over his shoulder to look back at her, she could tell he was holding back something.  It was as if a war was waging behind his countenance.  The frog sighed before standing up.

“We must find way to get you to hospital before is too late.  I believe you may have breathed in more of that gas than what is a safe for humans,” he said.  He knew he had to be checked out somewhere as well, but she appeared to be much worse off at the moment.

“But…my Gulag…”

“…Will most likely be quarantined for a while.  You will not be able to return for quite some time,” he said.  “Can you sit up?”  He asked.  She groaned and shook her head.  He sighed again with his hands on his hips.

“Right.  I will at least find way to get you transportation, yes?  You should not be moving much in your condition anyway,” he said, looking around for some sign of a passing vehicle, or some way that he could move her.

“And you?”

“…Well now, what kind of criminal would I be if I did not at least take advantage of this opportunity to pursue my next heist?”….that was what he wanted to say.  But he felt it wasn’t the time.  Yes, he would take off, but after ensuring she was alright.

“We will…get you taken care of first.  After all, a criminal is nothing if his adversary is down for the count, yes?  You are like the Batman to my Joker,” he said with a smirk.  Nadya was skeptical; she still didn’t trust him.  But she knew they were wasting valuable time.

“I may… owe you one, Constantine.  But do not think this has changed our relationship in the slightest,” she whispered, closing her eyes again.

“Yeah, yeah.  Just shut your yap and rest, huh?  I’ve got this,” he said, putting a flipper to her forehead.  Nadya felt her cheeks flush, but chalked it up to the cold weather…or to the weakened state her body was in.

She didn’t know what kind of game Constantine was playing; but she had to admit, she was touched by his concern.


Replies/Comments/Reviews are welcome.  Thank you!

-Brittany L. Reid



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